The Tooth Fairy

von Marcus Krug

“Good morning! How was your weekend, sweetie?” the old lady asked, after manoeuvring her wheelchair out of her apartment onto the narrow veranda, overlooking the car park below.

“Oh, hi Ronda. Didn’t hear you coming. But I’m fine, thanks.” Mindy said, smoking the cigarette she had just lit. “How are you?”

“Thanks for asking, I am good. But tell me, sweetheart, how did your date go the other day? With the guy you ran into, I mean?!” Ronda said, also lighting a cigarette.

“Yes, it was nice.” Mindy said, taking a long drag from her cigarette, inhaling deeply.

“The young lady says ‘it was nice’?! You can’t be a bit more specific there, can you?! What does he look like? Is he handsome? Did you get to see him closer? I mean the full package.”

Mindy blushed. “Well, I didn’t get to see him any closer. Not on the first date. You know, Ronda, I’m not that kind of girl.”

“I see, that’s why it’s so quiet on the other side of the wall.” Ronda winked at her. “Back in those days, when I was your age, I was the opposite of you. I was working as a nurse in a military hospital. Over in Europe during the big war, the second one. The young lads in their slick army uniforms couldn’t resist me. And, you know, those kind of things usually work both ways. Back then, it was all wieners and sauerkrauts.” she chuckled at herself. “But I’m getting carried away. You said ‘first date’. Was there a second date, you didn’t tell me about?”

“Well, Ronda, we are in Europe here! And no, it wasn’t really a second date.” Mindy said, wrinkling her brows and rolling her eyes.

“But you got to see his wiener, didn’t you?” Ronda interrupted her.

“No, Ronda, I did not get to see his penis. Because it wasn’t an actual date.” Mindy said, turning away from Ronda’s inquisitiveness, shaking her head. But then decided otherwise. “Oh, but of course, I actually did get to see his willy. It was hanging out of his hospital gown.”

“You don’t say! A hospital gown? He’s in that role play stuff, isn’t he?” Ronda asked, and went on. “I don’t really like it, but my third husband was crazy about it. He liked a lot to look like a hypertrophic toddler and always wanted to be breastfed. If I refused, he would cry like a baby.”

“No, he is not into role play. At least not that I know of. He got beaten up on our first date …” said Mindy but couldn’t finish.

“Oh darling, isn’t it wonderful when men get into a fight over a woman?” Ronda said. “When I came over here to Ireland, many years ago, I was talking to those two men in a pub one night, when all of a sudden they started getting agitated in their funny Celtic language and then got into a fight. I am pretty sure it was about me.”

“No, it was about money. We hadn’t even gotten into that wine bar yet, and then those guys finished him off right at the door. They took him for someone else.” Mindy said.

“Oh, that’s terrible. The poor boy.” said Ronda.

“And then the paramedics came and took him to the hospital and stitched him back together.” Mindy then somewhat preoccupied with fumbling a little item under her blouse, she went on, “… They really took it out on him.”

“What? The paramedics, those bastards!”

“No, the two other guys in the bar.” said Mindy

“Oh, now I see, and then you went to visit him in the hospital?”

“Yeah, I even bought him some nice flowers.”

“Oh, you’re such a nice girl! Will you see him again?”

“No, I’m afraid not.” Mindy answered, “He won’t let me.”

“Oh, why not? What happened?”

“Well, he took a restraining order out on me.” stated Mindy, “I’m not allowed anywhere near him.”

“No, he did not?! That stupid son of a bitch! How dare he?!”

Mindy, with a devious look on her face simply said, “I let you in on a little secret, look.”, then opened the two upper buttons of her blouse and made her self-made necklace appear, on it the big, four rooted molar. She showed it to Ronda, smiling proudly.

“Jesus Christ! Is that one of his?” asked Ronda, wheeling a bit away from her. Mindy simply nodded in smug complacency

“Mindy, seriously, you are definitely one odd character. Who the hell are you? Are you the fucking tooth fairy?”