Changes

von Marcus Krug

It is around four o’clock in the morning on a cold and windy summer day at the Irish west coast – no rain, though. You were just woken by the remnants of a birthday party next door. The last guests were still outside talking loudly, making noise. And then, all of a sudden, a vacuum full of silence. They were gone, from one second to the other. Now, someone is cleaning in front of the house. Sweeping the floor noisily. Since going back to sleep is not an available option at the moment, you decide to have a cigarette at the window.

It is one of those few moments, when you get the feeling that you are alone in the world. But there is no loneliness. There is only a certainty that you are a single human being – detached. The connections you usually have to other people, don’t feel as strong now as during the rest of the day. But now it doesn’t bother you. You feel like floating, free to go wherever you want to go and to do whatever you want to do, be whoever you want to be – probably your-self.

You feel like leaving. Leaving the place and people behind – only taking the memories with you. Just some change. You read somewhere that this hour of the day is called “the hour of the wolf”. It is the hour of change, the hour between night and dawn, when the new day is about to begin. A new day full of change – new opportunities, new people and new ventures.

You still feel a bit tired, but you are not ready to go back to sleep, yet. It somehow feels like travelling. When you have arrived in a new place, early in the morning. Everything is completely new and everything is still possible. Everything is exciting.

Watching the clouds go by. Listening to just a few seagulls – the early birds – while most of their kind have still their heads dug under their wings. You’re making plans. No, not really making plans, just letting the mind wander. Like brainstorming, only without the storm. Everything comes by itself, nothing is forced. Thoughts come and go, some stay, others just fly by.

Slowly, with time, people and places come back to you. (Or are you coming back to them?) No, not really places, but definitely people. People who are important to you. People you don’t want to miss in your life. People you deeply care about. People you love. And this love turns detachment into attachment. Not instantly, but slowly and surely.

And this very comforting feeling of attachment wraps you up in a warm and cosy blanket and you are eventually ready to go back to sleep.